Another Chapter Over

SONNET 151

Love is too young to know what conscience is;
Yet who knows not conscience is born of love?
Then, gentle cheater, urge not my amiss,
Lest guilty of my faults thy sweet self prove:
For, thou betraying me, I do betray
My nobler part to my gross body's treason;
My soul doth tell my body that he may
Triumph in love; flesh stays no father reason;
But, rising at thy name, doth point out thee
As his triumphant prize. Proud of this pride,
He is contented thy poor drudge to be,
To stand in thy affairs, fall by thy side.
No want of conscience hold it that I call
Her 'love' for whose dear love I rise and fall.

Last night I experienced the longest 30 minutes of my life. I ended a three year relationship with a lady whom I was keen to live with for the rest of my life. There are a lot of reasons why not to keep the relationship going. We both are busy, we both are sadists - we just torment each other everytime we correspond, we have created a huge gap where our hearts grew further and further apart and worst of all we live hundreds of miles apart - Luzon and Mindanao love affair. *sigh* I loved her more than all the girls that I had in this pathetic life. She told me last night that if I leave, I must not try to contact her again. I could do that but would be hard. There's a part of my mind that still want to talk with, laugh with, cry with and love her. Life is really mean but we have to live with it. I just wish you would have a good life ahead. Meet a good man and have a nice family. Shit! I'm so emotional right now that tears trickle down my cheek as I type this. Haha! Need to laugh it away. Help me! HAHAHA!

Anyway, I want to thank her for all that she have done for me and also for being understanding - for letting me break free. I have been stuck for three years. We have been to many on and off episodes; everytime we get separated the gap becomes bigger and bigger each time untill it was huge enough to fill it with someone new. I know you have met other guys and I did too. I had a couple of relationships and flings but even though I want to love them, I just can't. Each relationship I try to build with other females tend to end in break ups - they've felt her presence in my soul and they know they can't compete with that. It's her that I always wanted, it's her that I always yearn for. I'm addicted. Everytime she leaves I feel like I'm becoming like a cold turkey crackhead - craving for a drag of that toxic drug to get through the day.

Now, thanks to her long long absence. I feel rehabilitated. I still yearn but not that much. I hope this withdrawal would help me move on from where I've been stuck for 3 years now. I thank her for letting me go without any complications. Thank you so much. Farewell.

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If you happen to read this, just ignore the previous blog entries. ROFL! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! PIMP in the house! Need some hoes! ROFL! Just kidding. *grins*