House Party - Part 1 [Daytime Activities]

December 27, 2006 - 8:00 A.M.

Farmhouse in daytime...Taken before pool maintenance..Still a bit greenish..

Girls of Peerless '99
L-R: Iyang, Natasha, Nikki, Tia, Katrina and Pym-pym

Tequila shots...pool is now clean..LOL!

Poolside drinking...Too bad..not yet drunk for body shots..ROFLMAO!!

Late afternoon...

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December 28, 2006 - 7:00 A.M. +

Katrina on ATV w/ broken headlight LOL!

Jeng and Tyrone using the black ATV...

After ATV Rides...

At a cold mountain spring 2 kilometers away from our farmhouse..

Starlet daw sabi ni Tia..Hahaha!

Freezing cold...Sarap lalo na pagkatapos ng matinding inuman sa gabi...Hahaha!

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Inisa ko na lang ang events ng may araw sa gabi...Hahaha! WEEEEEEEE!!

House Party - Part 2 [Night Party]

December 27, 2006 - Evening...

Farmhouse at night...Soooo coooool!

Night Swimming

Red Horse sa Poolside

Christina Bilbilicious

The Tequila + Red Horse Effect

Tequila Cuervo, Mudslide, Red Horse and Vodka...

Tuloy ang inuman pagkatapos mag-swimming...

Pym-pym and Iyang

Kat w/ Frosty

Mudslide 1 on 1 w/ Katrina

Kat lasing na...Sumasandal na kay Frosty...

Smile!!

Hala! Bawal ka magyosi diba? Haha!

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House party at our family farmhouse with old school mates...

One word....CRAAAAAAZY!!

and yeah, you don't need to remind my of my plump physique...I gained 10 kilos when I stopped my diet and exercise since Semestral break...LOL!!

The Illusion of Happiness

People always ask what the real meaning of happiness is. Is it having the latest car model? Is it having a seven figured bank account? Is it having a gorgeous partner? Or is it finding the real meaning to life? They say that true happiness could be achieved once a person attains enlightenment, that slams the ignorance is bliss cliché. Well happiness from material things is just illusions; they’ll all going to disappear in time. A car breaks down and become rusty, money would be spent, good-looking spouses age, houses could catch fire, and even a relationship could end.

The social basis of discontent in modern society is not so much lack of income; it is loneliness, boredom, depression, alienation, self-doubt and the ill health that goes with them. Social exclusion is not so much exclusion from the structures of production and consumption; it is exclusion from social relationships and modes of self-understanding that confer acknowledgement, self-worth and meaning. Also happiness is fleeting in many lives because people want it to automatically happen, it takes work, which is the best work we can ever do in our lifetimes. Life happens and what would help many people is if they could wake up to the reasoning that difficult and unhappy times show us how important it is to bring harmony into the world, which begets happiness into our everyday lives. Life is cruel; the unhappiness that others experience even fuels the pursuit of our own bliss.

Happiness that you get from material things is only temporary and just an illusion. Then what is an illusion? In psychiatry and philosophy the term illusion refers to a specific form of sensory distortion. Unlike a hallucination, which is a sensory experience in the absence of a stimulus, an illusion describes a misinterpretation of a true sensation so it is perceived in a distorted manner. Well, I always have illusions of happiness. There was one time where I was living in a world that sickness, poverty and crime doesn’t exist. That only beauty exists: music, food, structures and people. No more wars, no more dying, no more discrimination, no more famine and disease. Now, fancy yourself in that world, wouldn’t it be great to live there? But our world is different. We live in a world where all ugliness and defilement exist. Illusionary happiness is hard to keep up with because it is a feeling where we want it all the time and it’s become an obsession. Like an addiction to an illegal substance that we know isn’t really helping your problems but rather intensify it. Illusions are not real and must be viewed as such. Some people live illusionary lives but aren’t really happy and content with what they have. Illusionary happiness is only temporary and ends but real happiness is when you do something that you love the most and be content with it. Happiness gained from following your heart then become contented is what some call enlightenment. As Paulo Coelho said in his book The Alchemist: “The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon.” We may have seen all the beauty in the world but to the really happy and contented soul even a flutter of a butterfly could be more interesting than Paris Hilton's sex video.

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Pasensya na. Wala kasi magawa. Ahahaha!

Death Inevitable

Earlier my sister begged me to make her an essay about death and dying. I came up with this composition - removed some of course.

People have always feared death. You start to doubt if there is really an afterlife or it’s just an idea to make people accept death lightly. I believe, in my own analysis that people fearing death are those who have unfulfilled lives, those who lived as an unhappy person or have made many mistakes which they wanted to fix but they know they don’t have time left. Well, I did some searching for some book reference and I happen to come by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' On Death and Dying. She discussed the Five Stages of Grief on how a person acts when faced with Death: Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

On the Denial and Isolation stage, a person denies that he is going to die. This stage is the stage where he usually asks or say: “This can't be real" or "This is not happening to me. There must be a mistake." A person usually denying death wants to isolate himself to think clearly. He then go away to somewhere he could relax and think may it be a vacation abroad, a beach, a province, or even his own room where he could be alone. He isolates himself also to slowly detach from the world which would soon lead to another step in facing death. Detaching or isolating is the first step to acknowledge that death is imminent and real.

Acknowledging death would soon lead to the Anger stage. Anger against the unknown, anger against God, anger against substances like cigarettes, sugar, liquor, cholesterol – which causes cancer, cirrhosis, HBP, diabetes and other illnesses that would be the cause of their pending death, and some people are just angry against the world – some due to poverty, mishaps, their bosses, their family, et cetera. It's wrong for a person dying of lung cancer blame others for their smoking habits, a person dying of cirrhosis can’t hold someone responsible for his alcoholism, but some deaths are inevitably caused by others. These deaths are harder to accept and the person dying with this cause is more furious than those dying of their own preferences. These people have a harder time before acceptance which leads to bargaining.

Bargaining is the stage where people bargains with God mostly. These people want fulfillment before departing the living world. These people usually become ecstatic adrenaline junkies living their life to the fullest and doing things that they haven’t done before – extreme sports, gamble, go to casinos, womanize, et cetera. Those who had their bargains fulfilled shall accept death warmly like sunlight on a cold morning then again those who have their wishes unfulfilled shall move on to another stage - depression.

Depression - is the stage where one feels defeated. After an episode of depression one may accept his pending death or one may return to the denial and isolation stage to repeat the whole process in order to achieve acceptance. The stages on facing death and dying is like a computer program where one stage process it then move to the next, if one statement is not satisfied then the whole program is moved or looped until the inputted statement is acceptable.

If one who is about to die has had enough time, and has been given some help in working through the previously described stages, he will reach a stage during which he is neither depressed nor angry about his “fate.” Accepting one’s end is the most intrepid and smartest thing one could do in the presence of his death. Some people are fearful because of uncertainty of afterlife. It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness. Why would you even care if afterlife is true or not, you should be happy that you have been given the chance to live. As Headmaster Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore said "To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure."

Bibingka Craving

Today, while I was on an adventure doing Christmas quests on Ragnarok Online I felt a sudden desire for bibingka. It was about 5:00 AM when I decided to go to the church but not attend the Simbang Gabi - it's shameful to come to church 30 minutes late you know. ROFL! You could see all the people staring at you with utter disgust like you wish you'd come early.

Anyway, I left home at about 5:15 AM went directly to Manang Bibingka [She's my suki every Simbang Gabi and I don't know her name. LOL!] bought 20 pieces for only 40 pesos. I know, I know, it's cheap but the taste is sooooo mouth-watering. After I payed for the food and received my change the church bell went off. Just my luck, I had been able to avoid other costumers that would surely do anything to get served first. I remember one time when an elderly lady elbowed me just to be served first. What a role model to young people. Not to mention that she just went to mass. Tsk tsk. People nowadays, the young ones are more morally aligned than the old ones. I wonder what values did they teach back then. Uneducated fools. Burn! You should BURN! You freaking hypocrites! Going to church, hearing the gospel, pretending to be a saint but when you get outside the House of God you don't practice what was taught. God DAMN you!

Moving on, I got home at exactly 5:45 am then turned on the kettle made coffee and ate 6 pieces of a 2 and a half inch diameter bibingka. Hahaha! Satisfied, I went back here and made this blog entry. Ahahaha!

Another Chapter Over

SONNET 151

Love is too young to know what conscience is;
Yet who knows not conscience is born of love?
Then, gentle cheater, urge not my amiss,
Lest guilty of my faults thy sweet self prove:
For, thou betraying me, I do betray
My nobler part to my gross body's treason;
My soul doth tell my body that he may
Triumph in love; flesh stays no father reason;
But, rising at thy name, doth point out thee
As his triumphant prize. Proud of this pride,
He is contented thy poor drudge to be,
To stand in thy affairs, fall by thy side.
No want of conscience hold it that I call
Her 'love' for whose dear love I rise and fall.

Last night I experienced the longest 30 minutes of my life. I ended a three year relationship with a lady whom I was keen to live with for the rest of my life. There are a lot of reasons why not to keep the relationship going. We both are busy, we both are sadists - we just torment each other everytime we correspond, we have created a huge gap where our hearts grew further and further apart and worst of all we live hundreds of miles apart - Luzon and Mindanao love affair. *sigh* I loved her more than all the girls that I had in this pathetic life. She told me last night that if I leave, I must not try to contact her again. I could do that but would be hard. There's a part of my mind that still want to talk with, laugh with, cry with and love her. Life is really mean but we have to live with it. I just wish you would have a good life ahead. Meet a good man and have a nice family. Shit! I'm so emotional right now that tears trickle down my cheek as I type this. Haha! Need to laugh it away. Help me! HAHAHA!

Anyway, I want to thank her for all that she have done for me and also for being understanding - for letting me break free. I have been stuck for three years. We have been to many on and off episodes; everytime we get separated the gap becomes bigger and bigger each time untill it was huge enough to fill it with someone new. I know you have met other guys and I did too. I had a couple of relationships and flings but even though I want to love them, I just can't. Each relationship I try to build with other females tend to end in break ups - they've felt her presence in my soul and they know they can't compete with that. It's her that I always wanted, it's her that I always yearn for. I'm addicted. Everytime she leaves I feel like I'm becoming like a cold turkey crackhead - craving for a drag of that toxic drug to get through the day.

Now, thanks to her long long absence. I feel rehabilitated. I still yearn but not that much. I hope this withdrawal would help me move on from where I've been stuck for 3 years now. I thank her for letting me go without any complications. Thank you so much. Farewell.

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If you happen to read this, just ignore the previous blog entries. ROFL! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! PIMP in the house! Need some hoes! ROFL! Just kidding. *grins*

How to Make Fudgy Hash Brownies

2 hours 1¼ hours prep
Makes 2 dozen brownies


Ingredients:
5 ounces semisweet chocolate or bittersweet chocolate, chopped (I used semisweet)
3 ounces semisweet chocolate or bittersweet chocolate, chopped (I used semisweet)
3/4 cup butter
2 ounces unsweetened chocolate
2 cups sugar
6 cubes of Hash (weed) preferrably 1/2 inch thick
4 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup flour
1 cup walnuts (optional)
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup whipping cream






Procedure:
1. Preheat oven to 350-degrees F.
2. Spray a 9 x9-inch pan with Pam (cooking spray or grease pan).
3. In a saucepan over low heat, combine the 5 ounces semisweet (or bittersweet) chocolate, 3/4 cup butter and unsweetened chocolate, stirring until melted and smooth. Remove from heat.
4. In a large bowl whisk sugar, eggs, vanilla and salt together.
5. Stir in chocolate mixture.
6. Drop Hash Cubes and Mix Thoroughly
7. Stir in flour, nuts (if using) and chocolate chips.
8. Pour mixture in prepared pan, spreading evenly.
9. Bake for 30-40 minutes or until brownies test done when toothpick is inserted in center (the toothpick will be moist with crumbs attached).
10. While brownies are cooking bring cream to a boil in a small saucepan. Remove from heat and whisk in the remaining semisweet or bittersweet chocolate.
11. Pour glaze over brownies and chill uncovered for 1 hour.


Warning:
Should be eaten indoors and privately. Consuming in public might lead to self-humiliation or worse a criminal record.

She Fucking Hates Me

She Hates Me
- Puddle of Mudd

Met a girl, thought she was grand
fell in love, found out first hand
went well for a week or two
then it all came unglued

in a trapped trip I can't grip
never thought I'd be the one who'd slip
then I started to realize
I was living one big lie

She fucking hates me
trust
she fucking hates me
la la la la
I tried too hard
and she tore my feelings like I had none
and ripped them away

Scratch what I said in my previous blog. I don't know why am I like this right now. I feel like I've been duped. Like a little kid holding on to his dad's empty promise for a trip to Disneyland. I can't be like this anymore. You said you were my doormat? What the FUCK! I am your doormat. You made me like one. You come and go as you pleases sometimes without saying goodbye. You are like a psycho killer coming and slashing leaving me to die then when I'm all healed you come back again and rip my insanity apart like you always do.

I am no Prometheus. If you don't know Prometheus, well he is the God who made men and gave them knowledge and gave them fire against Zeus' orders. For the hubristic move he was chained to a rock at Mount Caucasus and every day an eagle by the name of Ethon would pick at his liver but overnight it would grow back and the eagle would eat it again the next day, his punishment was to last for 30,000 years but Hercules saved him after 12 generations. Enough with the Mythology lesson. My mind and body don't recover as fast as Prometheus so stop being Ethon.

She was queen for about an hour
after that shit got sour
she took all I ever had
no sign of guilt
no feeling of bad, no

In a trapped trip I can't grip
never thought i'd be the one who'd slip
then I started to realize
I was living one big lie

that's my story, as you see
learned my lesson and so did she
now it's over and i'm glad
'cause i'm a fool for all i've said

la la la la la la la la la la
Trust
la la la la la la la la la la
Trust
and she tore my feelings like I had none
she fucking hates me

I can't stand being manipulated. My feelings being toyed. You may have fooled me before but I won't fall for the same trick over and over again. Your "sick" excuses, your sentimental raves won't affect me anymore. You know how a bone recover from fracture? When a bone gets fractured, it will eventually get covered by a type of cartilage to protect the fracture from breaking again. Now, my heart has become one. Hard, numb and protected - from you. I told you once that I never closed my heart to you, well now I just did. I closed it to protect myself from fracturing it again. I don't feel that you still love me. All I could feel is your passion to hurt me and your aura of hatred. I guess you really do fucking hate me. Well, if that's the case, like I always say: "ditto baby!" I fucking hate you too!


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WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

I shot you down BANG!! BANG!!

I'll let you feel how bad it is to be dumped!

The Space Between

The Space Between
- Dave Matthews Band

You cannot quit me so quickly
Is no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I got all the time for you, love
The Space Between
The tears we cry
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep us safe from the pain

But will I hold you again?
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like 'Will it rain today?'
Waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted game we play

We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What wild-eyed beast you be
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep us safe from the pain

Will I hold you again?
Will I hold...

It's been three years since I have been normal. I tried to quit on us but just can't.

You were the one who gave me a reason to live.
You look up when everybody looks down on me.
You sacrificed so much just to be with me.
You saved me from this eternal abyss.
You put a stopper on my infinite sadness.
You loved me more than anyone I've been with.

But you lied to me. What was your real intention? To keep me from pain? or just to make me stay? I love you and I know you do too. The secrets you chose to tell me later created a space, a rift that I know not only you made but us both. Will you still love me tomorrow Darling? The question I ask everytime before I sleep. You said you did that because you don't want to lose me again? I may buy that reason for a while but sooner or later you have to reassure that you still do love me. I know it's a bit redundant and irritating to request this from you again but that is what keeps me motivated even if we are hundreds of miles apart. Oh how I wish I could just hold you now, even for a while. To pretend like nothing happened, like we are not living different worlds, like everything is still good. But we cannot act like numb freaks high on morphine all the time. That's why we agreed to start over again to overwrite past mistakes and renew faith in our relationship right?

Look at us spinning out in
The madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like a devil
In a church in the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love
Is hope we don't take this ship down

The Space Between
Where you're smiling high
Is where you'll find me if I get tickled
The Space Between
The bullets in our firefight
Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you
The rain that falls
Splash in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into...
The Space Between
Our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain

Take my hand
'Cause we're walking out of here
Oh, right out of here
Love is all we need here
The Space Between
What's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The Space Between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time

The Space Between...

Now, we are turning over a new leaf Dear. I hope that we learned from this. Promise me. No more doubts, no more secrets.

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POOOOOTAAAAH!! ANG EMO-CORNY KO!!! WAHAHAHAHA!!
Wala papalag! Kundi WAPAK!! HAHAHAHA!

Insomnia spawns retardation.

I've been awake for more than 36 hours now. I've done my projects, cleaned my room, attended classes, cooked, washed dishes, edited my friendster account, checked my bot [almost 99 now] till there was nothing left to do.

Out of this episode of pseudo-meth-high-feeling I decided to create my first blog account.
I may not be as poetic or as erudite as other bloggers, but I assure you that everything I would post here about my exploits, experiences, or blunders are true.

Insomnia spawns retardation.

This is the first blog entry I made in my entire life. Haha!
Expect more to come.


BOOOOOOYAAH!!